


A Buu Buu Christmas

by Rice (Gravitational_Rice)



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game), Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Crack, Eli makes a brief appearance, F/F, Fun times with Aqours, Mari Ohara the disaster woman, This has been in the works for a whole year, Yoshiko likes arson, merry christmas you filthy animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28269297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gravitational_Rice/pseuds/Rice
Summary: Aqours Christmas chaos. Dia never catches a break.
Relationships: Kunikida Hanamaru/Kurosawa Dia, Kurosawa Ruby/Matsuura Kanan, Ohara Mari/Sakurauchi Riko/Tsushima Yoshiko, Takami Chika/Watanabe You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	A Buu Buu Christmas

_When did it come to this? To think that everything is covered in mountains of snow, BUT WE’RE NEAR THE SEA! PLUS THAT TREE IS ON FIRE! What was Yoshiko thinking?_

Let’s go back to the beginning.

‘Twas a normal day on the sunny seaside town of Uchiura, all was bright, all was warm. A normal school day for Dia Kurosawa. It was the usual schedule for the student council president, wake up, get her sister up, get dressed, have breakfast, and get to school. When all of that is done, she would normally head to the student council room and get ready to announce whatever the teachers needed. Except, there was nothing today, and there was a machine in the room.

  
  


“Now who in their right mind put a MACHINE in the council room?” The raven haired girl said to no one in particular.

“ **Me, MARI!** ” Mari Ohara, the heir to the Ohara fortune, practically screamed in broken english, nearly giving Dia a heart attack. “So you see Dia, it all started when I brought this machine last night. I was bored and you know that I love buying random things off of wish.com. But why do I do what I do? Simple simple, Dia, **BUYING RANDOM THINGS OFF OF WISH.COM IS FUN!** ” The blonde ended her speech with more broken english. 

“So now this machine is here, in the council room, out of all the rooms you have in your MANSION OF A HOUSE, you put it here, IN THE STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM?!” Dia’s day is not off to a good start.

  
  


When the bell for lunch rang, Dia thought that Mari had finally moved that darn machine out of the council room. But we all know that Mari is an E-Thot who just loves messing with Dia so instead of moving the machine, Mari left it there.

“That Ohara deserves what’s gonna happen to her during practice,” Dia seethed. But before she could say a string of un-President like words, Ruby came out of quite literally, nowhere. 

“Hey sis, I think my friend is gay.” 

What. What nonsense is Ruby talking about? 

“Ruby, you’re my little sister and I love you, but shut your mouth before I LITERALLY MAKE OUT WITH YOUR FRIEND.”

“That’s the problem, sis. You’re GAY FOR MY FRIEND.” 

“RUBY I SWEAR TO GOD.”

That was when she appeared. The goddess herself, bread_lover_69_420. Just kidding. It’s Hanamaru. Dia promptly forgets about her anger and stares at the beauty that is Hanamaru. Then Dia remembers that this is a Christian show.

“Hey Ruby, you kinda left your lunch out and I ate it, zura.” 

“God I wish that was me.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Dia keeps forgetting that as long as Ruby is around, this is a good Christian show.

“Hanamaru did you at least look at what today is?” 

“What is today, zura? Is it Saturday?”

Dia could not believe her eyes, if ten giant fireflies, lit up the world as she looked at God. Just kidding, Dia couldn’t believe her ears, Saturday? SATURDAY? 

“SATURDAY? WHAT WOULD WE BE DOING AT SCHOOL IF IT’S A SATURDAY?”

A quietly mumbled “bruh” was heard. Then right after another bruh was heard. Dia could only guess that it was Guilty Kiss. 

_Those stupid bitches, when will I ever catch a break?_

And so, Guilty kiss is here! No one cares.

  
  


“ **Shiny.** ”

“Why yes, my little demon, shiny indeed.” 

“So what do we do now?.” 

“Why we descend, Lily.”

Guilty Kiss is just another word for disaster in Dia’s book. Every time they came around, Dia’s perfect plans for that period of time were RUINED.

“Hello, my little demon Dia.”

“Back the fuck away before I stick this pen up your ass.”

“Fine! Jeez, I just wanted to remind you that it’s almost Christmas.”

“How bold of you to assume I forgot, Yoshiko.”

“I never assumed that! Also it’s Yohane!”

With that, the self proclaimed fallen angel left, and Dia returned to her paperwork, which was not actually paperwork, but a letter to the woman she admired most, Eli Ayase.

_Dear Eli,_

_You are my biggest inspiration and I admire you lots. I know that you are the best at everything you do so please, write back to me, preferably before Christmas._

_Your number one fan,_

_Dia Kurosawa_

Dia then proceeded to think about how much of a fool she was for trying to ask THE Eli Ayase for Love advice. How shameful Dia.

As Dia carefully put that letter in its proper envelope and got out her other letter that she needed to write, the only girl who caused her to question her sexuality came in.

“Hey Dia you completely forgot your books outside and I brought them in. Forget again and I personally beat you with them, zura.”

“N-Now did I? I’m very sorry Hanamaru.”

“You can also atone for your sin by feeding me.”

“What.”

“I said what I said, and if you have a problem with that, you can weep at my feet and beg for my forgiveness.”

“I think I’ll just give you some noppo bread.”

“‘Kay zura!”

Dia was pretty much sure Hanamaru threatened to fucking kill her. Dia wanted to care but she’s in big fucking gay for Hanamaru so her concern cancels out.

  
  


With school almost out, Dia decided to do the unthinkable and touch the machine that Mari left in the council room, and it was a disaster. The machine whirred to life and started shooting Christmas items everywhere like the world was ending. Then, when Dia thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. The machine drove out of the council room to cause Christmas havoc somewhere else.

“Shit.”

Dia ran out after the holiday horror with no care about going to practice anymore, carrying her letter to Eli Ayase with her, just in case the machine zips past a postbox. Although Dia thought she could keep up with the machine, her stamina said otherwise, and soon Dia found herself slumped over a postbox desperately trying to catch her breath.

“S-Shit.”

Dia had completely lost the machine, and now it was probably destroying all of Numazu. But hey! She was at least at a postbox and could drop off her letter!

“I hate that stupid machine, into the box you go, you stupid letter.”

Dia slips the letter into the box, then goes home. That machine is under Mari’s name, not hers.

“Ruby I’m home.” Dia called to her younger sister as she always does when she gets home.

Ruby doesn’t respond.

“Ruby? Are you asleep?” Dia calls out again, a little worried for her sister.

Still no response.

“Ruby?” Dia is in front of Ruby’s room now, extremely worried.

Dead silence.

“I’m opening the door now Ruby.”

Dia gently opens the door,

And finds Ruby making out with Kanan.

“GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! KANAN GET OFF OF MY SISTER BEFORE I STICK MY FOOT HALFWAY UP YOUR DIGESTION SYSTEM!”

“Mm-OH SHIT-”

Kanan was thrown out of Ruby’s room.

“Ruby, I understand that you like making fun of the fact that I am single but what the hell? I thought you were dead, answer my calls next time.”

“No, I don’t think I will,” Ruby spat back in annoyance at her sister. 

“Ruby you are so going on the naughty list,” Kanan poked out from the door, trying to annoy Dia even more.

“I get back from school and this is the bullshit I am subjected to. Thanks I guess!” Dia yelled at the two of them in frustration, then ran to her room and slammed the door shut.

“I hate this stupid year.”

  
  


14 days before Christmas and Dia had finally gotten a letter back from Eli. Well, it was more than a letter, Eli came to visit Dia.

“So what seems to be the problem young Dia?” Eli was currently sitting on Dia’s bed, wondering why the young girl wrote to her.

“Uh, I...uhm…”

“You uh what?”

“I was uhm…asking for love advice…” Dia bows in shame, not wanting to see her idol’s face after she said that.

“Ah, of course I’ll give my number one fan love advice!” Eli was excited, she hadn’t given any advice to anyone since she was 17!

“So who’s the lucky person?”

“Uhm…” Dia twiddled her fingers, “So there’s this girl, and she’s real nice, and I wanted to ask her out, but she’s friends with my little sister and if this goes wrong I will be the laughing stock of the family.”

“Oh...well is your sister in a relationship right now?”

“Yes, she’s dating my friend.”

“Then there’s your first hurdle jumped! You can just date her friend as revenge for dating your friend!”

“But it’s not for revenge...I genuinely love her…”

“Well if your sister needs a reason, then boom. Revenge.”

The two kept talking about Dia’s fat fucking crush on Hanamaru and how to ask Hanamaru out. It continued into the late night, and Eli had to sleep in Dia’s room. Dia meanwhile, was having a breakdown. Her idol, the woman she admired most, was sleeping in her fucking bed. Dia was ready to die out of embarrassment, all of her Eli merchandise was out.

  
  


Christmas was tomorrow, and everything had gone to plan. Dia had gotten closer to Hanamaru and tonight, she was going to ask her out. Aqours was meeting up for a Christmas party at the Ohara’s, so it wouldn't be too hard...right?

Dia was terribly wrong.

  
  


“Kukuku, watch me make this tree DISAPPEAR!” Yoshiko shouted as she lit a match.

“CYaRon dance off!” Chika suddenly yelled, doing the orange justice.

“Alright! Salute!” You yelled back, doing an eldritch abomination that she called a dance.

“Come on Ruby! Join us!” the two yelled out to Ruby, who was already cuddled up to Kanan and didn’t want to get up.

“No! I am having a MOMENT!”

“Hehehe...Ruby.” Kanan said out of nowhere, cuddling closer to the younger Kurosawa.

Riko was trying to calm Yoshiko, then she sighed. She saw Mari’s helicopter, meaning that the blonde terror was here with a new thing to annoy Dia with.

“ **HELLO, EVERYONE!!!** ” Mari had somehow jumped from the helicopter to the floor with the thing Dia feared most, the holiday horror machine from hell.

“Mari, fuck no.” Dia said, desperately hoping that she doesn’t turn it on.

“Mari, **FUCK YEA!!** ” she yelled back at Dia, turning the machine on. Then it flew up and disappeared.

“Mari, what the hell did you just-” Dia was cut off by a loud explosion, and tons of snow falling everywhere.

“ **MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS FUCKERS!!!** ” Mari yelled to all of Numazu and Uchiura, then ran over to Riko and Yoshiko.

“Perfect!” Yoshiko said to Mari, then setting a tree on fire.

Dia’s sanity was dying, there was no way anything could possibly be okay after this. Snow was everywhere although it was never forecasted thanks to the holiday hell machine, trees were on fire thanks to Yoshiko, and Dia was tired of it all. So Dia excused herself and went inside the Ohara hotel to cry in a closet, her plans all torn, stepped on, and set on fire by Mari and Yoshiko.

“I fucking hate this stupid party, I want to go home…” Dia cried out quietly to no one in particular.

  
  


11:20 pm, and Dia hadn’t returned. The party had only gotten worse, with Yoshiko and Mari committing arson on trees. Hanamaru decided to go and search for Dia, in fear that she had gotten lost in the hotel.

“Oh Dia, where are you, zura?” Hanamaru called as she walked the whole hotel.

She decided to take a quick break, then suddenly, she heard a small sob from the closet right next to her.

Hanamaru quietly gasped, “Is a child lost, zura?” she asked as she slowly opened the door.

“I hate everything-PIGYAA!”

“D-DIA?”

Dia was quite surprised that Hanamaru of all people found her.

“A-Are you okay, zura? Why are you in a closet?”

“I hate everything, that’s why.”

“I’ll join you then.” Hanamaru replied, walking into the closet and shutting the door, then sitting next to Dia.

“You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to, zura.”

“You know what, my plans were ruined anyways, so I’ll just tell you here.”

“Hm?”

“Hanamaru, I love you, a lot. In the I want to kiss you way.”

“O-oh! Well, that’s something I didn’t think we shared in common.”

“Huh?”

“W-well, I kinda like you too, zura. In the I want to kiss you way.”

Dia was surprised. Hanamaru had feelings for her too! She then checked her phone for the time.

12:05.

“Well uhm, Merry Christmas?”

“Oh uh...Merry Christmas!”

Dia gave Hanamaru a quick peck on the cheek, then rested her head on the younger girl’s shoulder, yawning.

“You can sleep if you want, Dia. I’ll stay right here.” Hanamaru told the older girl, noticing how tired she was.

“Thanks...goodnight…...love you.”

“Love you too, zura.”

  
  


When Dia awoke, she and Hanamaru were still in the closet. She noticed that now Hanamaru was laying her head in her lap.

“What.”

Hanamaru snored out a quiet “zura.”

Dia then heard footsteps accompanied with Mari’s accursed voice.

“Now **WHERE** could Dia and Hanamaru be? This is not **SHINY!** ”

“Mari we’ll find them soon, just calm down.” Riko said as she looked into the blonde’s worried piss-green eyes.

“Riko are you thinking about calling my eyes **PISS-GREEN** again?”

“No…” Riko looked away from Mari’s yellow eyes.

“Let’s check this door!” Chika called out, turning the knob to the closet’s door.

“Nah, that’s a **CLOSET.** ” 

“Too late she’s opening it.” You said, watching Chika open the door.”

Now Dia wanted to hide in the closet’s shadows, where they would never find her thanks to her dark hair blending into the shadows, but she didn’t want to disturb Hanamaru, who was still soundly asleep in Dia’s lap.

“Yeah there’s nothing- WHAT!”

“SHHHH!” Dia tried to calm the mikan peel-for-brains before she could awaken Hanamaru.

“ **What the fuck.** ”

“Listen everyone, I can explain. I was alone in this closet then Hanamaru strolled in and then she fell asleep.”

“Oh…” Everyone said at once, wondering what else happened for Dia to let Hanamaru sleep in her lap.

“So uhh… Merry Christmas?”

“Merry Christmas!” the rest of Aqours quietly called out.

“Zzzzzuraaaa…..”

When Hanamaru woke up, the festivities began. They exchanged presents, played fun games, and even threw snow at Mari!

“So, here’s the best part!” Kanan called out to alert everyone of something.

She then held a mistletoe above Dia and Hanamaru.

“Kiss, fuckers.”

Dia didn’t want to, but backing out of the mistletoe is like saying you’re a pussy and you get no pussy, and Dia was not a pussy.

She kissed Hanamaru on the lips, in front of everyone.

And everyone lost their shit.

“Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.” Dia called out, then took Hanamaru someplace where they could talk in privacy. And by someplace private, Dia took them to the closet.

“W-W-What was that about, zura?”

“Backing out of the mistletoe is like saying you’re a pussy, and I am not a pussy.”

“Oh.”

“Wanna make out?”

“WHAT!?”

“I said what I said.”

“W-Well fine! We can k-kiss!”

And so, they made out in the closet.

They then rejoined the rest of Aqours, and partied for a little before everyone left to be with their family.

Merry Christmas, and to all a good **FUCKING** night.

**Roll Credits.**

**Mari as Miss I throw money everywhere for fun**

**Kanan as Ruby simp**

**Dia as Gay mess**

**You as Mikan lover**

**Chika as Mikan**

**Riko as The only sane person**

**Yoshiko as Yohane**

**Ruby as Ruby**

**Hanamaru as Bread_Lover_420_69**

**FIN.**


End file.
